I just returned from seeing the Chris Rock movie, "Good Hair." It was a true documentary which was informative and interesting. I had seen him on so many talk shows that I thought the movie would have dealt with the issues surrounding "good hair," but he took a more practical approach. Interestingly enough, the "Black hair" business which is solely used by African-Americans, is dominated by Koreans. There are approximately four Black owned "hair companies" out of all of the hundreds of companies. Most of the previously Black owned hair businesses were bought by large cosmetic companies. Secondly, most of the "weave ready" hair comes from India where Indian women sacrifice it in a religious ceremony. Al Sharpton, surprisingly to me, made some very poignant points. He said that we wear our oppression on our heads. Snoop Dog (I think that was who it was) was also very insightful, as were the men in the barbershop.
What the movie can do is begin a conversation between Blacks and Blacks, as well as between Blacks and members of other groups.
I had lunch with a friend this week at Cuatro Milpas (a restaurant in San Diego's Barrio Logan) and he mentioned that race relations are economically based. I told him that the problem with race relations is that people from diverse groups do not have meaningful conversations about race Most of the conversations are shallow and "polite."
He confirmed that he is very reluctant to talk about race for fear of saying the wrong thing. I told him that we cannot separate who we are and what made us what we are, but we can talk about it. He was probably surprised when I told him my thoughts on having grown up during the era of segregation. I told him that it was a fabulous cocoon which made me believe that I could do anything because I saw other African-Americans who had done just that in the confines of the system. I also suggested to him that most non-Blacks probably only have two or three African American friends. He said that he didn't interact with Blacks until he joined the Peace Corps and that even now, he probably only has about three Black friends. Anyway, we had a wonderfully frank and enlightening conversation. He said that there were certain things he would not say around me because I'm Black. I told him that Blacks also feel the same way about saying certain things around Whites and others. That is what made this movie a little uncomfortable for some Blacks--they felt that Chris was giving away one of our secrets. I, on the other hand, thought it was another way to bridge the chasm that is so evident in this society.
I grew up in an era when light skinned, good hair, (I prefer the term House Hair) were deemed better). Sadly, these thoughts still exist. I watched a talk show last week with very young Black girls who believed that their hair had to look like the White kids in their class. Some of these girls were getting their hair permed (straightened) from the age of three. Many of the mothers even believed that they were helping their daughters images of themselves by giving them perms. One woman even said she married a non-black so that her child could have "good hair." When we take two steps forward, sometimes we take two steps backwards.
The best thing about the movie was that Chris' point was that no one is defined by hair. It is what is inside of our heads that is more important!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
"I Gave What I Received"
Yesterday, on my own daughter's 39th birthday, I attended a parole hearing for the man who murdered my friend's nine year old son twenty seven years ago. This was the third hearing I have attended with her and it was by far, the most challenging. The first hearing was at Chuckawalla, a prison in the desert, the second was a video hearing in downtown San Diego and this one was at Vaccaville Medical Facility Prison in Vaccaville, near Sacramento.
I left on a 6:30 a.m. flight for what was supposed to be a 10:30 a.m. hearing. We were met at the prison by the victim advocates ladies, after we went through the metal detectors and waited in the sally port for the gates to open. We were met in the parking lot and I had many questions for the shuttle driver: "Who are the people in this facility?" "How ill are they?""Is it for mental and physical illness?" "How long have you been working here?" The answer to the last question was two years. When we exited the van and headed inside the prison, my friend asked her daughter and me if we noticed that he had PRISONER written on the leg of his pants. Welcome to a new world. We were told later that prisoners do indeed drive the and do other tasks,but they are the ones who are there for petty thefts and those with very short sentences. For a scary person like me, it was eye opening.
We were in the waiting area from 9:15 (after a drive from the Sacramento airport to Vaccaville) until 2:07 p.m. when the hearing began. We were told that they were running thirty minutes behind. At a certain point, we knew that we would not make a 4:05 flight back to San Diego. We were taken to another room to phone the airline (we only had our identification with us and of course cell phones are not allowed in the prison). I Love SOUTHWEST AIRLINES! I called them, told them the circumstances and we were allowed to change our tickets for only $15.00 (and of course we had purchased the lowest fare "no changes ticket"0.
The hearing itself lasted over two hours--it was over around 4:40. The part that I found most irritating was that the inmate spoke for almost 1 1/2 hours of that time.He talked about his life--"No one loved me," "Broken home," "I am a changed person," "I have been married for 20 years," "I know that what I did was wrong," "I have lost two children so now I know how it feels," "I betrayed someone's trust," "He knew me."
The Parole Commissioner asked very good questions: "Why did you do it?" "Why did you put him in the attic," "Why did you search the house and steal a wallet after you put him in the attic?" "What would be your plans if you are granted parole?" All of his answers to almost every questions sounded, to me, like carefully coached responses and were extremely redundant. He did express "remorse" for the first time. Admitted that he is an alcoholic and drug user but participated in self-help groups in prison. Also admitted that he tried to commit suicide in prison (maybe that was why he was transferred to the medical facility, although no one told us why) and has to live with what he did.
My friend made an impact statement in which she spoke about her son and the hole that was left in the entire family. I read the statement from her older daughter and her younger daughter read her statement. Because of the time, we had to leave before the decision was made. Those present in the room were two parole commissioners, two correction officers for security, the inmate, his lawyer, the district attorney from San Diego, my friend, her daughter, the victim's advocate lady and me.
The district attorney called my friend around 9:45 p.m.--we arrived home around 9 p.m. to tell her that parole was denied and his next hearing would be in five years.
Although it was emotionally draining, I know how important it is to put a face on what happened.
The statement I remember most, of all of the rambling of the murderer, was "I Gave What I Received." He felt that since his life was a mess, that he had no regard for anyone's life. He had not been loved, was always an outcast and only cared about himself. THAT IS NO EXCUSE! When we have received less, we should be more willing to turn our lives around and Give MORE than what we received!
I left on a 6:30 a.m. flight for what was supposed to be a 10:30 a.m. hearing. We were met at the prison by the victim advocates ladies, after we went through the metal detectors and waited in the sally port for the gates to open. We were met in the parking lot and I had many questions for the shuttle driver: "Who are the people in this facility?" "How ill are they?""Is it for mental and physical illness?" "How long have you been working here?" The answer to the last question was two years. When we exited the van and headed inside the prison, my friend asked her daughter and me if we noticed that he had PRISONER written on the leg of his pants. Welcome to a new world. We were told later that prisoners do indeed drive the and do other tasks,but they are the ones who are there for petty thefts and those with very short sentences. For a scary person like me, it was eye opening.
We were in the waiting area from 9:15 (after a drive from the Sacramento airport to Vaccaville) until 2:07 p.m. when the hearing began. We were told that they were running thirty minutes behind. At a certain point, we knew that we would not make a 4:05 flight back to San Diego. We were taken to another room to phone the airline (we only had our identification with us and of course cell phones are not allowed in the prison). I Love SOUTHWEST AIRLINES! I called them, told them the circumstances and we were allowed to change our tickets for only $15.00 (and of course we had purchased the lowest fare "no changes ticket"0.
The hearing itself lasted over two hours--it was over around 4:40. The part that I found most irritating was that the inmate spoke for almost 1 1/2 hours of that time.He talked about his life--"No one loved me," "Broken home," "I am a changed person," "I have been married for 20 years," "I know that what I did was wrong," "I have lost two children so now I know how it feels," "I betrayed someone's trust," "He knew me."
The Parole Commissioner asked very good questions: "Why did you do it?" "Why did you put him in the attic," "Why did you search the house and steal a wallet after you put him in the attic?" "What would be your plans if you are granted parole?" All of his answers to almost every questions sounded, to me, like carefully coached responses and were extremely redundant. He did express "remorse" for the first time. Admitted that he is an alcoholic and drug user but participated in self-help groups in prison. Also admitted that he tried to commit suicide in prison (maybe that was why he was transferred to the medical facility, although no one told us why) and has to live with what he did.
My friend made an impact statement in which she spoke about her son and the hole that was left in the entire family. I read the statement from her older daughter and her younger daughter read her statement. Because of the time, we had to leave before the decision was made. Those present in the room were two parole commissioners, two correction officers for security, the inmate, his lawyer, the district attorney from San Diego, my friend, her daughter, the victim's advocate lady and me.
The district attorney called my friend around 9:45 p.m.--we arrived home around 9 p.m. to tell her that parole was denied and his next hearing would be in five years.
Although it was emotionally draining, I know how important it is to put a face on what happened.
The statement I remember most, of all of the rambling of the murderer, was "I Gave What I Received." He felt that since his life was a mess, that he had no regard for anyone's life. He had not been loved, was always an outcast and only cared about himself. THAT IS NO EXCUSE! When we have received less, we should be more willing to turn our lives around and Give MORE than what we received!
Friday, October 9, 2009
Anticipating History
Our daughter called me a little after 5 A.M. this morning to tell me that President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. This was well worthy waking up for--I am excited and just happy to be able to experience these historic times.
The Committee is recognizing him because he is a beacon of what is to come. He joins ex Presidents Wilson, T. Roosevelt, and Carter and winners, but of course, he is unique among this group.
The haters will hate about this and anything else associated with this man of hope. There have always been haters and they are afraid that now a "love reign" is taking over. I applaud the Peace Prize committee--they have recognized a man who sees the world as a true community. He is not preaching the politics of division and superiority--this was the philosophy of the Peace Corps Volunteers of the 60's. We knew the value of cultural diversity and international relations. We knew that more could be done with love instead of war.
I do not remember hearing so much negativity about the Peace Prize. Fox news is having a field day I hear (I refuse to listen) and I am sure talk radio will have one as well. Their attempts to fill their empty vessels with hate, cannot empty the President's full vessel of hope. He has made hope concrete. I hoped, but didn't always believe. It was just an abstract concept. The world needs the politics of hope. I am glad that the international community was able to see, recognize and applaud this new beginning.
What a surprise to everyone. The news stations have not yet put it all together. I am sure by this evening, they will have a lot to say about it. The President just said that he is "both surprised and deeply humbled." He spoke of a mutual respect among countries--what a concept, it is one that is important to articulate. He said that the award must be shared by all who strive for justice and peace!!!
Let us begin to live our lives in a way that we are contributors to the continuing struggle for justice and peace!
The Committee is recognizing him because he is a beacon of what is to come. He joins ex Presidents Wilson, T. Roosevelt, and Carter and winners, but of course, he is unique among this group.
The haters will hate about this and anything else associated with this man of hope. There have always been haters and they are afraid that now a "love reign" is taking over. I applaud the Peace Prize committee--they have recognized a man who sees the world as a true community. He is not preaching the politics of division and superiority--this was the philosophy of the Peace Corps Volunteers of the 60's. We knew the value of cultural diversity and international relations. We knew that more could be done with love instead of war.
I do not remember hearing so much negativity about the Peace Prize. Fox news is having a field day I hear (I refuse to listen) and I am sure talk radio will have one as well. Their attempts to fill their empty vessels with hate, cannot empty the President's full vessel of hope. He has made hope concrete. I hoped, but didn't always believe. It was just an abstract concept. The world needs the politics of hope. I am glad that the international community was able to see, recognize and applaud this new beginning.
What a surprise to everyone. The news stations have not yet put it all together. I am sure by this evening, they will have a lot to say about it. The President just said that he is "both surprised and deeply humbled." He spoke of a mutual respect among countries--what a concept, it is one that is important to articulate. He said that the award must be shared by all who strive for justice and peace!!!
Let us begin to live our lives in a way that we are contributors to the continuing struggle for justice and peace!
Friday, October 2, 2009
ChicaNO
I am sort of surprised that Chicago was eliminated in the first round of the Olympic site balloting. On one hand, it was nice that all of those "big ballers" went to Copenhagen to influence the vote, but,on the other hand, it showed the great equalizing of the world community. I am assuming that it will be awarded to Rio (it hasn't been announced yet), but that's my guess because it has never been held in South America before. Rio is a fabulous city, one of my favorites. It will probably be a good site if people can stay away from the beaches and actually attend the Olympic events.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Six Saturdays and One Sunday:Further Freetirement Reflections
A friend sent an email about "freetirement" today and I thought it was a good time to revisit this lovely time in my life. One of the statements on the email absolutely fascinated me and I decided to use it as the topic of this blog.
I have been trying, for some time, to explain to others what this stage is really all about and the answer is "Six Saturdays and One Sunday." I still love the little things--being out when there is no traffic, shopping when no one is in the store, letting my gas gauge go down to almost empty, learning how to do new things (all of these years, I never knew how to program the VCR--I decided to join the modern age and get a DVR and 200 channels--yikes--thought I would never do that-- actually learned how to operate the DVR), making appointments without any regard to day or time, having lunch and dinner with friends I never had time to spend real time with before, and most of all, being "about me."
I have not been bored one day, just as I was never bored when I was working. I think that whatever you were before you freetired, you will probably just be more of that when you retire. You have Six Saturdays to enjoy the things you enjoyed usually on the week-ends.
OMG, I sometimes feel like I should get rid of most of the clothes in my closet because I rarely use them. Sunday is the only day I use the ironing board. I seem to see the exact same clothes in the washer and dryer each week--shorts, sweats, t-shirts and every now and then, a blouse.
Six Saturdays and One Sunday, how marvelous!
I have been trying, for some time, to explain to others what this stage is really all about and the answer is "Six Saturdays and One Sunday." I still love the little things--being out when there is no traffic, shopping when no one is in the store, letting my gas gauge go down to almost empty, learning how to do new things (all of these years, I never knew how to program the VCR--I decided to join the modern age and get a DVR and 200 channels--yikes--thought I would never do that-- actually learned how to operate the DVR), making appointments without any regard to day or time, having lunch and dinner with friends I never had time to spend real time with before, and most of all, being "about me."
I have not been bored one day, just as I was never bored when I was working. I think that whatever you were before you freetired, you will probably just be more of that when you retire. You have Six Saturdays to enjoy the things you enjoyed usually on the week-ends.
OMG, I sometimes feel like I should get rid of most of the clothes in my closet because I rarely use them. Sunday is the only day I use the ironing board. I seem to see the exact same clothes in the washer and dryer each week--shorts, sweats, t-shirts and every now and then, a blouse.
Six Saturdays and One Sunday, how marvelous!
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