"Always ask the Turtle"

I read an article by Donna Brazile (of the great hair) and she told a story about Gloria Steinem. Gloria was on a field trip with a geology class and saw a turtle that had climbed out of the river to the edge of the road. She thought he would be run over so she put him back in the water. The teacher asked her why she did that and after hearing her reply, told her that the turtle had probably spent a month crawling up the long dirt path to safely lay its eggs on the mud on the side of the road. He also told her that she had destroyed all that effort with her "rescue." Gloria learned a great political lesson "Always ask the turtle."

How often do we forget to "ask the turtle?" There are times when we think we know what's best for everyone without asking them first. On this our 42nd wedding anniversary, a lot of people have asked me for the secret to a happy marriage. The answer I posted on Facebook was that love is the umbrella that protects marriage, but we should also know when to get out of the rain. Marriage, for the most part, is a crap shoot--sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't work, get out of the rain fast because no umbrella will be big enough to protect you. After reading this article, however, I now believe that some marriages probably don't survive because we don't "always ask the turtle." Asking the turtle involves true communication, about the good and the bad. The communication doesn't always have to be verbal--many times, it's a look, a touch, a smile, a frown. Sometimes the "turtle" wants to remain in a shell--that also has to be respected and appreciated.

A friend from Miami told me last week about a family of ten whose mother's mantra was "learn, strive, be." I would probably add "Always ask the Turtle."